New Children of the Light: Quaker youth speak their Truth to the World
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Justin wrote this blog post in 2013. This essay is being posted in 2016 where he is now a graduate student and has found life and love. By following the light, he has emerged into a clearing of hope.
Sometimes I feel like I can't keep going. Sometimes I feel alone in the universe. I feel like I have used all my chances, and I have tested all the patience that anyone ever had for me. Then I see another shining glimmering light, in the reflection of your tender loving eyes. Then I see you reach out your hand to a person in need, when there is no cause for your kindness. And I am able to remind myself that there is good in the world. I have been to the darkest places that any soul should have to go. I have faced the depth of the darkness a hundred times over and I am going to continue to face it for the rest of my life. I have felt my selfhood contract to a tiny point, and I have surrendered the light of my soul to it and prayed for God's help. In the cold and darkness, when every voice has failed me, I continue to sing, though you may not be able to hear it. I repeat my plaintive melody. The pain does not ever stop. The loneliness does not ever reach its bottom. But it is in the nature of the human condition that we will continue to strike matches, and to sing into the endless darkness, as we try again and again to create fire. I am writing this here, with my friends in a cabin in the deep woods. We have no fire, no heat, and the darkness of night envelops us. We have one flashlight. In my personal life: I have run out of money. I am seeking a decent job. I do not know what will happen next. I have no strength to continue moving forward, and no beloved one to call my own. But I have been here before, in the depths of darkness in my embroiled mind. Thomas lights a match, and another, and another, doing what he can to ignite the fire and keep us warm. We have each other. We have our friends, and the tight circle of our love cannot be broken. We will continue to work at living with and in spite our burdens. This is what we all must do. I faced down my illness and I live to tell the tale. It gives me courage to think of the folks who have had it so much worse, and who are yet able to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move forward. It gives hope to those who remain in the cold and endless darkness. Sometimes I feel heavy. My skin feels like putty and the pain and heavyness of being fills my skin and my muscles and I do not know where I can find the strength to keep going. But I remind myself of you, and the glimpse of love that I can see in your eyes. It keeps me, and contains my bitter pain within its warmth. My words cannot capture what it means to me. And so I am able to move my muscle and lift my leg. I am able to step out of bed and into the morning sunlight. I am able to continue, and even my illness cannot hold me back. But you need to make me solemn a promise. You need to swear you will not stop fighting for what is right in the world. You have to swear not to let the pursuit of wealth and influence consume you. You must swear that you will keep your eyes on what is most important, and that is, your internal light. Fan your flames, and nurture your talents. Don't let your spirit be consumed by the cold. Keep striking those matches. Even in the depths of winter, a glowing heart will find its way. I trust that, with every fiber left in me. I must. |
Maurine Pyle
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